


The Peanut Gallery Says Get It

by dawnstonedust (dawnstonedagger)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Gen, Guys Being Gross, Screenplay/Script Format, Tormenting Solas, actual trash, humor?, that ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 12:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3896101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnstonedagger/pseuds/dawnstonedust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iron Bull and Varric have been on the road with Solas and Lavellan and their weird (non)relationship for a while, and they can't help noticing one of Solas' proclivities. So, naturally, they give him shit about it via Lavellan's ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Peanut Gallery Says Get It

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt on the k!meme: http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/12606.html?thread=49975870#t49975870
> 
> Solavellan Dat Ass - F!Lavellan has nice, round ass. Solas greatly approves
> 
> Script format, because I am much too lazy to flesh this out.

**Lavellan leaves camp to go bathe**

Iron Bull: Sooo, Solas, when are you going to get in on that. Tap it?

Solas: I'm afraid I don't follow.

Varric: Actually you do, Chuckles, constantly. You follow it all day with your eyes. Her ass.

Solas: And the two of you have conspired to point this out to me to what end?

Iron Bull: The Boss's totally into you, too, which is a crying shame.

Varric: **sighs** Yeah, I was hoping she'd go for the Commander, the nice, safe one. But no, she wants the fatalistic, weird one.

Solas: Your unrequested opinions are noted. If we could please move on to another topic.

Iron Bull & Varric: **look at each other** Nope.

Iron Bull: Well, maybe when she comes back.

Varric: But until then, you get to suffer.

Iron Bull: Just imagine, you could be with her right now, by the waterfall. She seems like her ass would be nice and firm, all that walking and climbing she does.

Varric: And jumping. It does that sweet little bounce when she lands, like there's still something left to hold on to. Not all elves have that ass.

Iron Bull: True, half of 'em, it's like banging a bag of antlers. Got to have a little padding.

Varric: I could write a book about that ass.

Iron Bull: You should. Andraste's ass got a book.

Varric: It would be a sad book though, because, shit, someone's too uptight to go after that ass.

Iron Bull: Could be a tragedy or a comedy, you never know until it's over. But who wants to get over that ass? Speaking of tight, do you think she's, you know-

Varric: Nah, the Inqisitor? Bianca and I think she looks like she knows what she's doing with that ass.

Iron Bull: It's the leather pants isn't it? They look like a second skin. She might as well be na-

Solas: If you will excuse me, gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. **leaves campfire**

Varric: What's his problem, anyway?

Iron Bull: I dunno, but if it's more important than that ass, he's beyond help.


End file.
